Image of Perfection
by Almaria
Summary: Jareth is called to Sarah's room early one morning, there, an Image of Perfection, unlike any seen before, awaits him.....
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Ok so I was slightly surprised that people actually liked my short little image of perfection story, so I decided to expand it a little!_

_Standard disclaimers etc apply..._

* * *

**Chapter 1: Of Glitter and Teeth.**

There is a little known fact (_amongst the seriously delusional and the seriously old_) that the veils between the worlds are at their most fragile at precisely 23:59 every night. There are a number of theories supporting this phenomenon, most of them are vague at best (and others just aren't worth the effort it takes to mention).

There is however, one explanation that fits as well as a leather glove on a certain Fae Kings hands. The veil is at its' most tenuous at _that_ particular time as it is the last obstacle standing (_Fort Knox style_) between _yesterday _and _tomorrow _and thus, it is deemed to be the most magical sixty seconds existing in any given day.

There is as such, nothing remarkable about this occurrence, given that it comes to pass 365 days out of the year (_and for that matter, 366, every leap year_). But, in this particular room, on this particular night, a stage has been set and a plan has been developed.

Which is why, at approximately 23:58:59, the shadows in the room retracted and a palpable tang of anticipation permeated the air-conditioned room.

At precisely 23:59, the shadows expanded, growing darker and more ominous (_than 2 seconds before anyway…)_ Shapes began to emerge from the darkness, sinuous and snakelike, crawling from the shadows and easing along the floor with malicious intent.

In the darkest corner of the room a pair of mis-matched eyes watched excitedly. It would happen tonight. Everything he had planned and had waited for _so long_ would go down, _tonight._ An evil grin swept across his face, white teeth, carefully sharpened and flossed, glinted wickedly in the small chink of orange-y light that entered through a slight gap in the flower printed curtains. He watched as the shapes crawled closer and closer to the centre of the room, surrounding the room's only inhabitant from all four sides. He watched the girl carefully, checking for any signs of alertness, it would not do for her to be aware of the _plan._ But all was quiet. The girl slept peacefully, hands snuggled under her chin, brown hair plaited neatly down the back. She looked like a cherub, small and innocent – he would soon sort that out. The white teeth glinted again, the shapes were almost there, another second and….

"For God's sake Jareth" the girl shouted, her hands running along her bedside table looking suspiciously as though they were seeking for something to throw.

"It didn't work last night, its not gonna work tonight. GO HOME."

The shadows reacted instantly, slinking back into the corners faster than the girl could say "OUT." There was something about that voice that just begged for them to disagree, fortunately as far as shadows go, these ones were highly intelligent and did not care to find out what would happen if they stayed.

In the darkest corner of the room, a set of white teeth muttered something that sounded remarkably like "_Every time"_ and a pair of mis-matched eyes narrowed in exasperation before disappearing in the whirl of a dark, glitter covered cloak.

"Damned fairy queen" Sarah muttered before curling back onto her side and falling asleep at precisely 00:00.

* * *

**A few days later….**

Sarah woke groggily, her hands searching for the alarm clock, which, as things tend to do when one absent-mindedly slams their hand over a table, fell from the edge and promptly rolled under her bed, still ringing. Groaning loudly she buried her head in the pillow and willed for it to stop itself. As far as inanimate objects go, this one was not intelligent and did not come packaged with the ability to sense subliminal messages - A manufacturing fault which was to end in its ultimate demise as the fifth alarm clock smashed that week.

Rolling gracelessly out of her bed, Sarah stumbled her way in to the bathroom. She had a problem, a major problem that only one person could help her with. The fact that, that person was a complete and utter pansy was something she would just have to deal with. Splashing cold water on her face Sarah called for Jareth, King of the Goblins.

* * *

Jareth heard the call in the middle of commissioning a giant statue commemorating the Goblin Kingdoms greatest leader.

"A little more volume to the hair, I think there Tweak" he said, surveying the marble statue through experienced eyes.

"And a little more arch to the eyebrows, should do it."

Moving back a few paces he regarded the effigy with pride. True he was the only goblin king in history to have lost to a runner, but _damn,_ he looked good in a pair of tights. The morning was definitely shaping up to be a good one. That was, of course, till he heard Sarah's rather annoying voice summoning him.

"What now" he exploded, little sparks bursting from his fingers as he transported himself to her room, leaving behind a small pile of affronted glitter in his wake.

* * *

The sun was streaming through the window highlighting the twinkling dustmotes when Jareth reached Sarahs room. Confidently walking forwards he gasped and paused, momentarily blinded by the stunning vision of beauty in front of him. Words left him… it was… _beautiful, _the most stunning thing he had ever laid eyes on.

Still awestruck he let his eyes roam over the image of perfection, taking in the sight of those perfect legs, sleek and shapely, rising up to support a toned abdomen which showed teasingly through a gauzy chiffon shirt. His eyes rose higher devouring the sight of the perfect chest emphasised by the deep neckline. Glistening hair flowed around a face that was as flawless as sculpted marble…and those _eyes _that looked back at him – burning with an intense fire. _Dear God_ they would be the death of him.

He walked forwards jerkily, like a puppet on a string, as if drawn by magic. He knew it was wrong, he knew he shouldn't, but he had to touch it, his fingers itched to run through that glimmering mane of hair. His eyes narrowed calculatingly, the vision was taunting him, he knew it, luring him on purpose and when he got there….. He grinned then, a wild, feral smile, running his tongue suggestively over his sharp pointed teeth.

His plan set, he stalked determinedly forwards, swishing his cape around him in a wild, dashing manner. He looked _dangerous_, he looked _enigmatic_, he was _the_ _Goblin King_. A loud sigh from the corner of the room stopped him in his tracks. Whirling around he looked for the intruder. They would pay a most painful death for disturbing _him._

His eyes landed on a girl standing at the door to the room, rolling her eyes as she looked at him. Sighing again she marched forward, sidestepping him and blocking his view as she began brushing her hair.

"Dear God Jareth, quit looking at yourself in the mirror."

Brushing her hair carefully, Sarah swept it up into a swishy ponytail and anchored the strands with a pink hairband, before turning to look at Jareth. She had thought he would have looked a little embarrassed, or at least blushed slightly, but it _actually _looked like he had sidled over to her side to catch another glimpse of himself. Amazed, Sarah watched as the Goblin King smiled to himself in the mirror, before shaking her head and forcibly leading him away. This is why there wasn't any mirrors in that stone castle of his, he'd just get too bloody distracted to get any work done.

Sitting him down at the chair next to the window, Sarah sat on her bed facing the Goblin King.

"I have a problem" she sighed dramatically.

"Oh?" Jareth replied disinterestedly, sweeping his eyes around the room, before staring out the window.

"Nothing _fatal_ I hope."

"No of course not." Sarah replied, deliberately taking the question at face value.

"Kind of you to care though" she said, getting a snort in reply.

Stretching languorously, Jareth extended his legs outwards, placing one on either side of Sarah, a gesture which came with years of familiarity, before gazing out of the window again.

"So what seems to ail you my precious? What wish do you need me to grant this time?"

Sarah grinned impishly. He knew her far too well. It had come as a bit of a surprise to Sarah when she realised the extent of her control over the Goblin King.

She had stumbled upon it rather dramatically one night when she had accidentally wished she had a gold lame skirt that one of her friends' had been wearing. The resulting disaster that occurred when Sarah suddenly found herself in said Gold Lame skirt, leaving her friend clad in nothing but underwear in the middle of nightclub, had been nothing short of catastrophic. I

t was then, that Sarah put two and two together and multiplied it with some of the other, rather bizarre events of her life, and found that the equation did not equal X or Y, but rather, resulted in Goblin King.

Sarah's life, post-labyrinth, had not altered much. Other than the occasional party in her room with various goblins, fairies, and some of the undergrounds more, _avant-garde_ inhabitants, life pre and post labyrinth remained unchanged. She had started being nicer to Toby, and she had quit playing make-believe in the park, but only because playacting to a dog somehow seemed a little less exciting then saying it to a villainous tights-wearing king. It just didn't pack the same amount of _oomph_.

Apart from that she had remained pretty much the same. She still fought with Karen, moaned dramatically about her pitiful life and feigned illness on the day of her maths test. She also hadn't learned to stop wishing, which had resulted in a few of Sarah's more elaborate cover-ups.

The first odd experience had happened when Sarah had been out with friends and had subconsciously wished for the rather annoying blonde that had trailed after them, to disappear. When she disappeared without so much as moving her chair, Sarah had blinked, slightly confused, and then had shrugged it off, attributing it to a case of too much ice-cream. Besides she rationalised, never look a gift horse in the mouth…

The second time, she had been making out with a rather hot looking guy in her living room when her parents had unexpectedly returned. The car had driven into the driveway, and then reversed back out and drove down the street backwards for ten minutes before stopping. No one had been more surprised than Sarah when a rather shaken Robert and Karen returned to a teenage-boy free house with stories of a possessed car. But it wasn't till the gold-skirt incident that Sarah called upon the Goblin King himself and learned that, in defeating the labyrinth she had gained supreme control over all of its denizens, including the king itself, _which included the use of his magic_. The unlimited possibilities that the power gave her had caused a gold-lame clad Sarah to dance insanely in front of the Goblin-King while laughing in glee. And, it was also why, eight years later, at 23, she was able to summon him whilst half asleep.

But she was digressing from the point now. She had a major problem which Jareth had to fix before she went to work. He was still staring out the window when Sarah began explaining her predicament. It wasn't till she was near the end that she noticed that Jareth kept fluffing a strand of his hair and pouting.

Seeing nothing out of the ordinary outside her window, she followed his gaze to the corner of the window, before rolling her eyes incredulously. The little twit was looking at his reflection in the window for the love of …..

Narrowing her eyes Sarah began again,

"And then I got hit by a bus."

"Do go on" Jareth cooed, fluffing his hair again and leering, causing Sarah to lose the plot.

"Jareth if you don't listen to me right now I swear I'll wish for the bog to end up in your sleeping chambers"

The threat was nothing to be taken lightly and Jareth snapped to attention turning to face a rather red-faced Sarah. Smiling victoriously Sarah started again, only to have a rather shocked looking Goblin King snort in laughter.

"Sarah, you seem to have something rather, err, shiny on your teeth. Were you attacked?"

"That's what I have been trying to tell you" she replied crossly, "I had to get braces because my bite was off and I need you to hide them somehow."

"Had to get brashes did you my shweet" Jareth said snickering evilly.

"Keep laughing fairy boy and you'll be filing those pointy little canines of yours with my nail file." Sarah replied, pointing one indignant finger at him.

Sobering immediately, Jareth ran a concerned tongue over his canines. He couldn't bear to lose those, they were his pride and joy and he had focus on what his green eyed _headache_ was saying or he would.

"So what do you need me to do?" he sighed, affecting an air of concern.

"I don't want anybody but the dentist to be able to see them."

"Fine" Jareth said, flicking his wrist lazily. Jumping up from her seat, Sarah ran to check the results.

"Perfect" she said, smiling,

"Thanks Jar-Jar" she said, walking back over and patting him absent-mindedly on the cheek, before sauntering over to her closet,

"You can Poof back to the underground now."

Glowering viciously, Jareth regarded Sarah's retreating form from the back. How satisfying it would be to just throw a crystal at her from behind and drop her in an oubliette. But of course, he couldn't touch the _conqueror_.

"One day soon my shweet," he thought malevolently, "One day I'll get you back and then you will pay."

The air darkened around him, swirling with wickedness and evil intent, "One day he would-"

"Oh for heavens sake Jareth" Sarah called from the closet, "If you're plotting against me, at least be subtle about it."

This time the Goblin King had the grace to look slightly embarrassed,

"Don't know _what _you're talking about" he called as she left the room shaking her head in mirth.

The air darkened again, "but someday soon you will…"

"Jareth the threatening music is a bit of a give away too"

"Oh fine, I'm going" he yelled irritatedly before disappearing in an abnormally large explosion of glitter that twinkled and sparkled as it covered everything in Sarah's room.

"That will show her" he muttered.

_So...should I continue! If it's a resounding no, ill slink away with my tail between my legs and stick the original back up! let me know!_


	2. Chapter 2

**A**_**/N**: Another installment! Thanks for the reviews! And thanks to FM too, I've tried a lil harder on the punctuations in this chapter! Let me know where I'm goin wrong!_

**Chapter 2: Of Day-Dreams and Dating**

Draining the last of the coffee, Sarah placed the cup in the sink and glanced at the clock over the door. Smiling grimly, she grabbed her red and white butterfly patterned backpack and ran out the door. She was going to have to run _again_, and she was wearing her new green shoe-boots too. Life was just NOT fair. Waving wildly at passing neighbours, she stormed down the laneway and veered left towards the train station. It was a good thing that her apartment was situated close to the railway or she would never, ever, make it into work and _that_, short of leaving her with no food, would also be quite detrimental to her burgeoning shoe collection.

Feeling like her lungs were going to burn, she slowed to a crawl only to notice the train had already pulled into the station. "CRAP" she yelled, startling a baby in a stroller, _(who, due to an unfortunate inability to curb his crying, became the latest citizen of the Goblin city, and ironically enough, came under the control of Sarah herself)_ and ran, full speed across the road and onto the platform, throwing herself into the last carriage, as the doors closed. Dropping her backpack on the floor, Sarah grabbed the rail breathing heavily. Her lungs were far past burning now, having already ignited and crumbled into ash before reaching the train.

Affecting an air of nonchalance, Sarah leaned against the hand-rail, ruffling her hair elegantly; hoping the cutie in the corner hadn't noticed her wheezing – or the fact that her legs currently felt like rubber. Note-to-self Sarah, DO NOT attempt to run in shoe-boots, _bad things_ will happen. In fact, she thought seriously, she might even suggest making it a rule in the underground. Goblins running around in shoe-boots would be a threat to national security anywhere. She would jot it down to tell Jareth later, it would be her good-deed for the day – a thank you, for the help with the braces.

Smiling widely, she ran her tongue over her teeth, feeling the grate of the invisible bumps underneath, stopping abruptly when the cutie in the corner, gave her a look of abject horror, and turned away. "_Tool_," she thought, narrowing her eyes, "_Doesn't know what he's missing_."

Still, she conceded, perhaps licking her teeth in a public place mightn't have been the brightest idea….

Flicking a stray piece of glitter from her shoulder, Sarah sighed. Who would have thought that glitter could be so _messy?_ Trust Jareth to be such a drama-queen, all she had done was ask for a favour... Still, sometimes, Sarah wondered if she was, _abusing_, the power she had, but the thoughts were limited, and were quickly rounded up and tried for treason. Besides, she was good to the underground.

She had started a reading club for the Goblins, _and _had opened a library. The fact that the "Sarah Williams" Library had burned to the ground within the first few opening hours, (and had incidentally, burnt half of the Kings' wardrobe), was completely beside the point. How was she to know that goblins and any items of a flammable nature spelt trouble?

(This rather unfortunate incident was to be the start of Jareth's night-time kidnapping plots – he has, as yet to take Sarah by surprise.)

Sarah had also commissioned a garden, also in her names-sake, to be built in the underground. It held flowers that bloomed year round, an orchard of cherry-blossom trees and four statues of herself in various regal poses (she deserved _something_ for her efforts, after all). Gathering her belongings as the train neared her stop, Sarah flicked a hooded glance at the cutie. He was _still_ ignoring her. Fuming, she marched off the train, power-walking her way to the office.

Sarah had begun working in A&B Accountants a year before, a decision which, to this day, still had her questioning her sanity. It had come as a major surprise (to practically everyone), that Sarah was good at accounting. It had come as something of a shock to Sarah herself, when she ended up graduating from college with masters in accountancy. It had nearly rendered her comatose when one of the biggest accountancy companies, came knocking at her door with a job offer, _and, _she had almost had a heart-attack when she realised that, attractive males, does not an accountant make. Still, being the only girl in a department of cantankerous old men, had its' advantages. All she had to do was flash a bit of leg, smile prettily and throw the odd, "You're so funny" compliment around, and she got away with practically doing _nothing_. And, to make things better, the I.T. department had just hired a cute new Australian named Chad. Even better still, was the fact that the I.T. department, sat on the same floor as her, _and,_ the cherry on the cake was that her and Chad had been flirting shamelessly, via internal mail, for the past 2 months.

Given the circumstances, Sarah had to admit, work was turning out to be quite fun.

* * *

The royal throne room was a hive of activity; Chickens ran squawking from goblins, goblins ran squealing from chickens and the odd inebriated Goblin performed a bone-chilling rendition of the Dolly Parton classic, "Working 9-5". In the midst of the chaos Jareth lay sprawled on his throne, entertaining his latest day-dream.

_Ohh yess_, he thought delightedly, absentmindedly swatting Goblins with his riding crop, _riiight there_.

"Yer majesty, _yer majesty!"_

A breathless goblin squeaked, running into the throne room, startling Jareth out of his reverie.

"What is it Twerp?" he growled menacingly, rather disgruntled.

The day-dream had been one of the best yet, it involved him, and a pool-sized bubble bath….he could still see it…

_His dream self slowly ran a sponge down his arm, covering the smooth, alabaster skin with a layer of soapy bubbles, before gently washing it away with water. Soft bubbles floated effervescently around him, like small, rainbow rimmed crystals, twinkling gently in the soft, flickering candlelight, dancing in time with gentle music that played in the background, each of the notes soaring and floating in time with the bubbles, performing a haunting, soapy, ballet. He watched as one bubble danced closer and closer to his silky, silver tinted hair, before lightly bursting in a cloud of glitter and covering him in an ethereal glow of gold glitter. _

_It was… perfection, personified. _

_It was like looking at a renaissance painting, all the colours – running and flowing in perfect combination. _

_It was as beautiful as sunlight and moonlight, it was as lyrical as a Byronic prose, it was as…_

The goblin called Twerp watched as his Majesty's eyes glazed over, then, in a rare burst of inspiration, ran out of the room and ran back in squealing.

"Yer majesty, _yer majesty!"_ startling Jareth out of his reverie.

"What is it Twerp?" he growled menacingly, rather disgruntled. The day-dream had been one of the best yet, it involved him –

It was about then, that Jareth paused. There was something familiar about this scene; he just couldn't quite place his finger on what...

Snapping back to attention he roared at the excited Goblin in front of him.

" It had better be of the utmost importance Twerp, or a short trip to the bog will seem like a God-send to you."

"It's Tweak, yer Majesty; he needs you in the courtyard, right now."

"I see" Jareth said, suddenly concerned.

Tweak had been working on his statue, and if something had happened…feeling slightly panicked Jareth appeared in the courtyard to find a distraught Tweak rolling on the ground in goblin hysterics.

"Oh! Yer Majesty" Tweak wailed, rolling towards the king, before prostrating himself at Jareth's feet.

"Well? what is it?" Jareth said, resisting the urge to send him flying with a well aimed kick.

"It's the statue, yer majesty"

"What of it?"

"It's, it's the eyebrow, yer majesty, I was arching it, y'see, like you sed, y'see and then Turnip came over-"

"Turnip?" Jareth said confused,

"Who in the Devil's name is Turnip?"

"Turnip is the goblin, formerly known as Grunt, yer Majesty," said Twerp, cowering by Tweak's side.

"Turnip? Formerly known as? What in the underground possessed him to change it?"

"It was o'cause o the decree, yer majesty" said Tweak, calming his hysterics to blow his nose.

"What decree?"

"The decree where, all we goblins is to change our names, to something beginning with "T" yer majesty."

A look of blank incomprehension, swept across Jareth's face.

"Let me guess, our one and only _conqueror, _requested that, did she?"

"Yes, yer majesty, she wuz teaching us the alphabet."

Resisting the urge to let out a manly scream, send a hex hurtling above-ground or burst into a ton of glitter (which, given the circumstances, was completely justifiable), Jareth focused his attention once more, on the cowering Goblins at his feet.

"Anyway" he said, gritting his teeth tightly, "What did, _Turnip_ do, to my statue?"

"Oh yes" said Tweak, promptly bursting into hysterics and rolling on the ground again,

"y'see, yer majesty, I was perfectin' the arch, when Turnip, yelled at me, and then my hand slipped and, and…"

At this point, Tweak burst into an ear-splitting wail, and rolled hysterically on the ground again. Unfortunately, as laws of physics would have it, the momentum of the last roll (dramatic as it was), was miscalculated by one cubic centimetre. It was this minor error that found a rather surprised Tweak, rolling at breakneck speed, down the side of a steep, grassy embankment that surrounded the courtyard, before crashing into pricklethorn bushes at the base. No one was ever able to calculate the velocity or distance travelled by Tweak, but it was unanimously agreed upon that the roll was most decidedly dramatic.

"Idiot" Jareth muttered, before stalking towards the statue.

"Oh. My. Kingdom," he spluttered in horror.

(It was at this point that the remaining goblins in the courtyard, thought it best to run away. They were also praised by their counterparts for being dramatic.)

* * *

Sarah was not having a good day.

She had arrived in work to find that Marc, the rather annoying, pimple-faced, assistant-manager, had booked her for the day. Pulling her best acting face, Sarah had smiled and asked what needed to be done, while deliberately crossing and re-crossing her legs in front of him.

It was with some astonishment that she had returned to her desk, loaded with papers and accounts to complete. How could he have given her so much work? She had a life to live, _Australians_ to email, and a work-night date to secure. He was _clearly batting for the other side_, she thought indignantly.

To add salt to the wound, despite the fact that no one could see her braces, Sarah could still feel them, and they _hurt._

She was also left with no plausible explanation for her sudden speech impediment.

She had passed the morning, furiously totting accounts and waiting for lunch. Unfortunately, as normally happens when life decides to have a little giggle, lunch had been complete nightmare. Finding that she couldn't chew, Sarah had resorted to drinking soup instead. When her friends had pointed out that she somehow had bits of tomato stuck to the _front_ of her teeth, Sarah had run, shoe-boots and all, to the nearest bathroom to see for herself.

It was _horrendous_.

Bits of soup had stuck in the invisible brackets of her braces, looking for the entire world like they were _floating_ in front of her teeth. She had never wanted to disappear underground more than she did right then.

Finally the day dragged to a close. It had been fairly productive, Sarah mused, she _had_ gotten all the accounts done. Collecting all the papers, she walked over to Marc's desk.

"All done Marc" she said in her best, _"I'm so nice"_ voice.

"Th-thanks, Sarah" he stammered, flushing a bright red, knocking the pile of papers out of her hand.

_Hmmm…_ Sarah thought, as she bent to help him retrieve the papers, _maybe not batting for the other side so…._

"Th-thanks" he said again.

"No problem" Sarah replied, turning to leave.

"S-so, you going to the work-do tomorrow night?" Marc asked, still blushing, reminding Sarah vaguely of the tomato soup she'd had for lunch.

_Work-Do?_ She thought, _who says Do?_

"Yes, I'm going" she smiled back, "Should be fun, I cant wait!".

"Yeh, me either" Marc replied, eyes flicking rapidly to the floor and back up to Sarah.

"So are you, err going with anyone?"

_Ah_, thought Sarah, _so this is why he booked you…crap, lie, lie now_.

"Actually I am. What about you Marc? Bet you've got a super hot date lined up don't you?" She replied smoothly, vaguely surprised at her own ingenuity.

_Good one Williams, always deflect the question, mental high five!_

"Oh yeh, definitely." Marc replied, blushing even deeper so that he now resembled a ripe plum.

"Great!" Sarah replied, highly amused at Marc's own ingenuity. "Anyway I've gotta run. Catch you tomorrow."

_Crap_, Sarah thought walking towards the lift. _Crap, crap, crap_. Now she had to get a date. Looking up she saw Chad waiting at lifts. Slowing her pace, she smiled calculatedly, before swishing forward confidently.

"G'day" Chad drawled as she stopped beside him.

"G'day yourself" Sarah smiled back, quelling the small butterflies, floating in her stomach.

She still didn't know what attracted her to Chad. He was older than her, about 29-30, bald and short. But there was just…something that drew her to him. And the surprising thing was, she wasn't alone, he had a strong female fan base in the office too.

"I was waiting for an email from you today, but, I guess I was being ignored" Chad drawled, stabbing a mock knife in his chest.

"Oh what's the matter?" Sarah drawled back, "Missing your daily insult?"

"Like the plague" he replied cheekily.

"Well don't worry; I have a lot of insults to throw at you."

"Oh you wound me Sarah. But I know you love me really."

"Ha" Sarah replied smiling widely, "Has any girl _ever_ said that to you before?!"

"I'll have you know, girls seem to love me!"

"Please, your mother doesn't count" Sarah mocked as they walked into the lift.

"I'll have you know I have two dates lined up for this weekend alone" Chad said smirking.

"Oh really?" Sarah retaliated immediately, "How much did you pay them!?"

"Ouch" Chad said, as they swiped their cards at the door, "You know how to wound a guy don't you!"

"I told you, I always had insults for you!" Sarah replied sweetly.

"Well you can't blame a guy for trying for trying can you? So you coming tomorrow night?"

"Yup" Sarah replied, "You?"

"Yup, with date number one. Catch ya tomorrow."

Sarah's smile never faltered as she turned, making her way back to the train station. It wasn't till she got home that the frustrated swirl inside her, developed into a fully fledged tantrum of epic proportions. "_Damn, damn, damn_" she screamed. She needed a date. There was no _way_ she could go on her own now. She needed someone impressive, someone that could intimidate...

She needed… Jareth.

* * *

Jareth's ears pricked suddenly. Someone was calling him, someone was about to say _the words!_

"Sire, Sire" The goblins squealed running around the throne room, "The words, the words!"

"I know" Jareth growled, "Now quiet, I want to hear them."

Presently a female voice drifted down from a distance,

"I wish the Goblins would take you away, right now"

"Excellent" Jareth smiled wickedly, quickly changing into his most imposing pair of battle tights before transforming into a snowy white oil.

* * *

The lights flickered once and then died completely. The girl looked around, momentarily confused.

"David?" she called timidly.

She was beginning to get scared now. One minute David was on the bed, and now… And there was shapes, moving, in the darkness. Terrified the girl whirled, looking for David. Shadows danced around the room, running under the bed, over the tables. "David" she called tremulously. Suddenly there was loud scratching from the window, whirling around she watched as a large Owl scratched against the window. There was a loud crack of lightening and the windows flew open, bringing rain and wind swirling into the room. The girl watched in horrified fascination as the owl transformed into a lithe, blond man.

"You're him, aren't you?" She said, her mouth dry, licking her lips in anticipation. "The Goblin King."

* * *

Smiling wickedly, Jareth watched as the girl gave him the quick once over, smirking at the way her eyes ran up his legs and over his shapely torso. _Oh_, he thought lecherously, _all wish-aways should be like this_.

The girl was clad in a small, red negligee and was holding a small tasselled whip in her hands. This appeared to be, Jareth thought lecherously, a role-play gone wrong. The girl was still staring at him, oblivious of the cold, wind blowing through the window. Smiling wickedly, Jareth produced a crystal, running it over his hands in quick, dizzying movements, before offering it to the girl.

"What's that?" she asked, fascinated.

"It's a crystal, nothing more" Jareth cooed, walking closer to the girl, before circling her predatorily,

"But if you turn it this way…"

"What?" the girl said hypnotised, "What happens when you turn it?"

"It will show you your dreams" Jareth whispered in her ear, relishing the slight shiver that ran down her back.

_Oh this was worth putting up with goblins for, definitely worth it_.

"Oooh" the girl moaned, "My dreams. Wait. Where's David?" she said suddenly.

"In the castle beyond the goblin city" Jareth cooed, circling her again.

"Oh" the girl said. "Is that bad?"

"Not for you" Jareth replied, silkily, tracing a glove clad finger down her arm.

"Maybe, we could arrange an exchange?" The girl asked, breathlessly.

"We could sort something out" Jareth replied, grinning wickedly. _Oh this day was just about to get better_. "Would you be able to live with the consequences?" He whispered, blowing gently down her neck.

"I'd say I could manage" The girl squeaked, half holding onto Jareth's arms, for support.

"What's said is said" Jareth replied, tightening his hold around her waist.

He was just about to seal the deal, when a sharp, tugging pain made him jerk his head back. "_What in the underground_?" The pain tugged again, and was this time followed with a loud, girly, shriek.

"Jareth I need you."

"Oh, not now" Jareth roared suddenly, he was so close.

"Jareth, NOW" the voice roared.

"Oh, for the love of-, Here" He said whirling to the girl in red and throwing a crystal at her feet. "Consider the deal off" he yelled, before disappearing in an exploding puff of glitter, leaving her staring in shock behind him.

"Err Maya" a voice groaned from below her.

Maya looked down to see her boyfriend, sprawled on the ground, covered in chicken feathers.

"What just happened?" he groaned.

Maya looked up, eyes darting to the spot where Jareth had been standing, then back down to David again.

"Err, David. I think me and you need to talk…"

* * *

Sarah was sitting in her living room, when a very livid Jareth, exploded in front of her.

"What is it now?" he roared, sparks of electricity flowing from his fingertips.

Sarah regarded him calmly for a moment, before bursting into loud, uncontrolled laughter. Jareth stared incredulously at her for a moment, before glancing down. "Oh" he said slightly mortified. In his haste, he had half transformed from owl into man and was currently sporting two clawed feet instead of legs. Quickly mending himself he feigned utter disinterest in his error.

"Really" he said, voice dripping with disdain, "How immature."

Flicking a few stray pieces of glitter from his shoulder he waited till Sarah composed herself.

"Well?" he said imperiously.

"Oh, yeh" Sarah hiccupped, wiping stray tears from her eyes. "Sorry, that was just-" she stopped, pealing with laughter again.

"Oh, Sarah, honestly" Jareth said, rolling his eyes, "you called me away from a wish-away for this?"

"No, you're right, I'm sorry" Sarah said, straightening up and fanning a hand in front of her face.

"Whew,yeh. So anyway. I need you to be my date tomorrow night."

Jareth paused for a moment, unsure of whether he had heard correctly.

"Forgive me Sarah; I think my brain may still be viewing that girl's rather impressive décolletage. What did you just ask for?"

"A date" Sarah replied succinctly, "Tomorrow night, 8pm sharp."

"What?" Jareth spluttered. "But I- I have plans" he groaned.

"Tough" Sarah said, turning her attention back to the T.V. "Oh and I'll need you here tomorrow morning to go shopping for clothes."

"Clothes?" Jareth said horrified.

"Yeah, you can hardly come in your tights, manly as they are…"

Jareth got the distinct feeling that someone, somewhere, was having a very, big laugh at his expense.

"Oh" Sarah continued, "Make sure you don't wear any of that ridiculous blue eye shadow either"

"Ridiculous Blue Eye shadow?" Jareth sputtered, "But-"

"Jareth, you can't wear it, people will think you're a cross dresser if you do."

"A cross-dresser?" Jareth said horrified, "Are they like the people, in that magazine?"

A few months back, Sarah had presented Jareth with a copy of "Out" Magazine, for "Help" Sarah had said, although for the life of him, he couldn't decipher how a magazine filled with half-naked men could help him. "Not exactly..." Sarah snorted, choking on her drink.

"Anyway, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then. Later Jar-Jar."

* * *

It was 23:58, and the shadows in the room prepared themselves for another sixty seconds of excitement. A pair of mis-matched eyes glinted in the darkest corner of the room, watching the girl on the bed. At precisely 23:59 the shadows rushed towards the centre of the room, and a set of sharp teeth, glinted wickedly from the corner.

"Jareth, Seriously" Sarah called, while painting her toe-nails a bright, bubble-gum pink. "I'm not even asleep yet."

_

* * *

__A/n: Hope you likey! :P_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**_ And another installment... All charactors and situations described below are purely fictitous. Any resemblance to living persons/events is purely intentional._

_Standard disclaimers apply..I dont own anything labyrinth related. I do however own a pair of green shoe-boots..._

* * *

**Chapter 3:Of Alice in Wonderland and Tequila.**

Whistling cheerfully, Jareth strutted down the stone corridor leading to his throne room. Early morning was his favourite time of the day; the rising sun bathed the labyrinth in a soft golden glow, flowers woke from their night-time rest, unfurling their silken petals in a gesture of welcome to the day. Birds whistled merrily, a beautiful, lyrical melody that resounded pleasantly in the four corners of the labyrinth. But the most important gift that morning bought was in the shape of catatonic goblins, slumped to the ground in various places and positions.

Kicking a prostrate form in front of his feet, Jareth watched in calm satisfaction as the goblin hit the wall opposite, before falling down with a squishy _plop_. A sense of tranquillity washed over him, truly, morning was the most _wonderful_ time of the day. Adding an extra bounce to his step, Jareth swaggered merrily to the throne room, rejoicing in his utter fabulousness. It was, therefore, an entirely unprepared Goblin King that collided with two equally un-prepared goblins, squabbling in the throne room. (It is not entirely surprising that the goblins were unprepared, they are almost universally known for getting things done at the last minute. What was, however, alarmingly surprising, was they fact that they were not slumped to the floor in various inebriated positions.) Suppressing the urge to squeal in shock, Jareth boomed loudly instead.

"WHAT in the underground are you two doing?"

_And why aren't you unconscious_, he added mentally, _why are you ruining my quiet? Why?..._

"We is making a banner yer Majesty, for the GLP." Goblin 1, squeaked merrily, unfurling a white cloth, with the letters G.L.P. painted on sloppily, with red paint. (One assumes the cloth was originally white, at the moment however, it was a rather unbecoming shade of creamy yellow. It was deduced later that the cloth was suffering from a mild case of jaundice.)

Jareth raised one carefully arched eyebrow and regarded both Goblin 1 and Goblin 2, with narrowed eyes. It was quite irritating how all goblins tended to look exactly alike. He really must get them to wear name-tags, he thought pensively.

"What, is the G.L.P. may I ask?" he said imperiously, placing his hands threateningly on his hips, and adopting his most crotch-thrustingly imposing pose.

"The Goblin Literacy Programme, yer Majesty," Goblin 2 squeaked merrily, shaking the banner with aplomb. "It's the latest decree from de Lady."

It was at precisely this moment, that Jareth's mood went from, self-appreciatingly happy, to whistle-blowingly angry. Intelligent goblins would have, at this stage, retreated silently, creeping away from the king on tippy-toes, before running, screaming in the opposite direction. However, along with such other minor traits, such as cleanliness and Godliness, Goblins were also not gifted with high levels of brain power. Which is why they were currently running circles around their king, waving their banner with pride, whilst screaming "_G.L.P. Forever_," at the top of their lungs.

It was with some sense of astonishment, that Goblin 1 and Goblin 2, (otherwise known as Twinkle and Turk to their esteemed colleagues'), found themselves suspended over the Bog, tied to a tree with a hepatitis infected banner. As usually happens, when inanimate objects become weak, the fibres of the banner began to loosen slowly. "Uh oh" Twinkle said to Turk, as a loud ominous Rrriipp, sounded. A mournful "_G.L.P. Forever_," was heard just as the fabric ripped.

Grumbling furiously about green-eyed witches and various forms of revenge, Jareth plodded angrily to his throne. If anything else disturbed his quiet, he swore to himself, he would…well…Throw everyone into the bog, yes, that would be suitable punishment indeed. _Really_, he sighed dramatically, all he wanted was some peace and quiet. Was that _too much_ to wish for? In a goblin-populated kingdom,however, such wishes are generally described as optimistic. As soon as Jareth's tights-clad form relaxed upon the throne, two goblins in bright red pantaloons, yellow t-shirts with a big blue bow and yellow flags on their heads, came bouncing into the room, falling into the stone pit in their haste.

As if fancy-dressing goblins were not horrific enough, the two were also spouting poetry and screaming "_Not that way."_ Sighing dramatically over what he had done to deserve this, Jareth finally accepted that his morning was not to be a peaceful one.

"What exactly are you two miserable maggots supposed to be?" he growled from his throne.

Snapping to attention, the two goblins saluted smartly and bowed, with one stepping forward, "I'm Tweedle-dee, yer majesty, and this is Tweedle-du-"

"You're not Tweedle-dee, I'm Tweedle-dee, you're Tweedle-dum",

"No you're not, you're Tweedle-dum, I'm Tweedle-dee"

"No I'm not, you're Tweedle-de-"

Sensing that this would take a while, Jareth sent both hurtling to the borders of the labyrinth, where legend has it, they helped a blonde girl in a blue dress, who was searching for a rabbit, to lose her way. In true goblin fashion, the act was described as _dramatic_.

In the throne room, Jareth bowed his head, utterly defeated. All of his problems, it seemed, could be traced to none other, than one source. Sarah. If only she hadn't beat the labyrinth. She wasn't supposed to make it to the centre. He had been sure the peach would have conquered her…. And now he couldn't even hurl her in an oubliette if he wanted. If only he could….

It was precisely at this point that a wicked plan formed in Jareth's mind.

_Ohhh yes_, he thought, chuckling darkly, _Jareth you are a genius._

* * *

The screeching of the alarm clock jerked Sarah from a rather pleasing dream. Blearily rubbing her eyes she checked the time. "OH NO" she screeched, tumbling out of bed and hurtling to her wardrobe. She was unbelievably late. Her train had already left, and the next train was leaving in ten minutes. Wildly shoving her hair into a messy ponytail, Sarah had already pulled on a white shirt, a navy pin-stripe skirt and a pair of red stilettos, before realising it was, in fact, Saturday and therefore she had no work. Grumbling ominous threats to alarm clocks around the world, she flopped back on to the bed, barely managing to unbutton her shirt, before promptly falling asleep.

It was in this state, that a rather amused Jareth found Sarah, still sleeping two hours later. Taking in her dishevelled state, from the fuzz-ball hair to the stiletto clad foot, Jareth grinned widely. _Poor dear_, he thought kindly, _must be exhausted_. Then shrugging, he magicked her alarm clock to ring at a noise-level that can only be described as indecent.

"Aagggghhhhhhh" Sarah screamed wildly, drool dribbling down her face as she searched for the alarm clock. It was then she noticed a hysterical Jareth pounding the floor and hooting with laughter. "JERK" she yelled, grabbing the alarm clock and throwing it violently at Jareth. (The alarm clock had the proud honour of becoming the sixth alarm clock smashed that week. It was also the alarm clock that caused Sarah to switch clock-shops as the owner believed she was trying to buy-out his stock.)

Muttering darkly about sadistic fairies, Sarah threw Jareth bodily from her room and changed into a pair of jeans and a jumper. Gulping down a quick breakfast, they were about to leave for the mall, when the phone rang.

"Tobes!" Sarah squealed excitedly, "How's my baby?!"

Knowing from experience, that this would take some time, Jareth settled himself into an arm-chair and began practising with his crystals, swooping them up and down and around his arm, trailing it along his outstretched leg, and back up again, as Sarah talked to her family.

"Oh hey Karen" Sarah said and Jareth smiled.

Anyone who didn't know Sarah wouldn't have noticed anything, but immediately he sensed the subtle change in nuance. Noticing him looking at her, Sarah stuck a tongue out and rolled her eyes, while nodding her head at the phone.

"Yes definitely, Karen, I will, I'll do it straight away."

Such a child still, Jareth thought, shaking his head and chuckling.

"Is dad there? Yeah. Hey dad!" Sarah said, "I'm fine, yups, going shopping now. Oh ha ha! I'll try not too thanks! No I haven't had anything strange happen!" She said laughing, "Yes I remember the plague incident! No I still don't know how it happened!, " she continued, watching Jareth shake with laughter from her seat.

"Ok, yeah love you too bye, hugs to Toby." She said finally placing the receiver back in its' cradle.

She watched mesmerised for a few moments as Jareth twirled the crystal in hands. It was such a hypnotic, fluid movement. She really must get him to teach it to her. "Okay fairy boy," she said finally, jumping up, "Let's go."

* * *

The journey down to the mall had been an utter nightmare.

Sarah had thought it best to walk seeing as the day was so beautiful. About five minutes in she had started to regret the decision. Although Jareth had mortalised his appearance, he still walked as though he was prancing over goblins, and every now and then had burst into random (and sometimes inappropriate) songs. Add that to the multitudes of leering looks he shot at passing women and it was a some-what red faced Sarah that had entered the mall, with her head hung low.

"I think I've just discovered something Sarah dear" Jareth bragged, strutting along beside her.

"Pray do tell," she replied saracastically, ducking her head from passers-bye.

"I'm _prettier_ than you are."

At Sarah's rather incredulous look, he continued, "It's _unfair_, I know, but true, I've had about twenty women look me up and down, and you my dear have attracted _no one_."

Pausing for effect he smiled dashingly, "I counted them _all_!"

Restraining the urge to pound her head against the nearest wall, Sarah settled for merely grimacing and pushing Jareth into the men's department store. After twenty minutes of browsing with a rather irritating Goblin King, Sarah finally Selected a plain black dinner jacket, with matching slacks and a silver shirt and led Jareth to the fitting rooms for a trial.

"Ok, she said hanging the clothes on a hook, "Change into those and we'll see if it fits."

The room had three mirrors and a large overhead spotlight, with a curtain in place of the door. Pulling the curtain closed, Jareth regarded the clothes with distaste. They were soo…plain, lacking in any sort of dramatic flair. Scoffing disgustedly, he magicked the clothes on before looking at himself in the mirror.

_Oh… _he said mesmerised.

The three mirrors helped him see everything… from his muscled chest, to his chiselled profile, to his rather pert posterior. It was at this point that Jareth's eyes glazed over slightly. Everything seemed soo…magical. The spotlight cast a dazzling glow in the room below and reflected in the mirrors, creating spots of brightness that reflected from one mirror to the next, until it looked like a never-ending series of rooms. The atmospheric music in the store seemed suddenly magnified, like it was playing for his ears alone, and all around him, a radiant, ethereal hue glowed; ebbing and flowing, dark then light, dark then light. Entranced, he walked closer and closer….till….

Sarah was waiting, rather impatiently in the fitting room. Surely it couldn't take that long to try clothes on… "Jareth" she called, "It's been ten minutes, have you not put them on yet?"

On getting no reply she moved forward, grabbing the corner of the curtain threateningly, "Jareth, I swear to God, I'm going to come in."

"I'm ready, I'm ready" a rather breathless Jareth stated, pushing open the curtain and strutting out. He was clearly up to something, Sarah thought, eyes narrowing suspiciously, but he had the clothes on at least.

"Hmmm," she said critically, as Jareth preened in front of her. "Yup, that should do. Ok go and change and for God's sake don't take so long this time."

It was then that Sarah noticed a rather odd smear on one of the mirrors, right about where Jareth's head was reflecte…

"Oh for Heaven's sake Jareth" she said, utterly astounded. "Were you _making out_ with your own reflection?"

* * *

Having stopped for lunch on the way home, Sarah was suitably satisfied and plopped herself on the couch.

"Can you be back by eight?" she asked Jareth.

"I'd rather not" He muttered back, still smarting from Sarah's rather _embarrassing_ discovery.

"Oh come on, it's not like you have anything else planned!" she snickered, "Unless you were planning on kissing yourself some more!"

"How droll" Jareth said calmly watching as Sarah slapped the couch in laughter.

"Anyway I'll be off. Oh, and before I forget," he said, producing a crystal, "The goblins asked me to pass this onto you. A thank you, it seems for some sort of G.L.P."

"Oooh" Sarah said delightedly, jumping up from the couch. "Cupcake!"

Grabbing it eagerly from Jareth's hand, she bit in almost swooning in delight. "Oh yum, " she said, taking another bite, "You want?" "No, thank you," Jareth replied, watching in horrified fascination as she devoured the cupcake, bits of icing smeared across her face.

"Oooh!" Sarah said happily, "There's jam inside!" Sticking a tongue out, she greedily licked the jam from the centre, relishing the sweet, tangy taste, that tingled as she swallowed.

"Wow" she said, "Goblin's are really getting better at their cooking, aren't they?!"

It was about then, that Sarah started to feel strange. "Wait a minute," she said, feeling slightly woozy and looking up at Jareth (who, for some reason had two heads instead of one), "Something's not right...what did you do?" Holding a hand out to steady herself, she blinked twice, trying to focus on Jareth. It looked like he was _giggling, _Sarah thought foggily, as a certain thought dropped in her mind.

"This is peach jam, isn't it? Oh,You son of a bit-"

"Oh what _happened_, Sarah?"

Jareth snickered evilly, holding her slumped form in his arms, "Is everything _dancing_?"

Gathering her in his arms, he dropped her unceremoniously on the couch. "Dream well my precious" he chortled gleefully, covering her in an extra layer of fine glitter, before disappearing underground.

* * *

_"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. (1)"_

It is also a truth universally recognised, that office parties in possession of vast quantities of alcohol, results in single men parting with vast amounts of their fortune. There is also the spontaneous drunken dancing, accidental flirting with the boss's wife and the rather irritating single woman who somehow manages to capture it all on film.

Such was the case at the A&B staff bonus party, when a still drowsy Sarah entered with the Goblin King. The room was dimly lit with muted spotlights; Couches littered the floor at random intervals and sunken tables held flickering candles in large blown glasses. Colourful mosaic tiles covered the walls in a series of swirling designs and various potted plants lined the corners of the room, bedecked with twinkling fairy lights. A large bar was situated at the far end of the room and Sarah made a beeline for it, dragging Jareth behind her.

"I'll have a vodka and cranberry," Sarah said, bagging the nearest bartender, "And what do you want?" she said turning to Jareth cuttingly. She still hadn't forgiven him for the cupcake and was going to get even, _oh soo even_, just as soon as she could think straight again.

"Oh, I think I'll have a peach schnapps, precious, thank you," Jareth answered, leaning casually on the bar and smiling.

Resisting the urge to claw him to bits, Sarah turned sweetly back to the barman. "He'll have a shot of sambuca, thanks!"

"Sambuca, Sarah?" Jareth asked questioningly, "I'm not quite sure that sounds appealing."

"Oh come now, Jareth" Sarah replied, looking up through hooded eyelids, "Don't you trust me?" At Jareth's horrified expression, she smiled serenely and paid the barman.

Presently a small glass filled with, what Jareth could assume was liquid tar, was placed in front of him. He was even more astonished when it was set on fire. "Cheer's" Sarah smiled, raising her glass before taking a sip. _Ahhh,_ her brain thought, _alcohol, finally alcohol_.

"What's the matter Jareth?" she said as Jareth stared transfixed at the glass. "Not chicken are you?"

Shooting a superior glance at Sarah, Jareth lifted the glass and drank it back in one. Turning to smile widely at Sarah, Jareth was just about to gloat, when the full potency of the taste hit his tastebuds. "_Oh…"_ he said weakly, "what, _eurgh.."_ sputtering slightly Jareth shuddered at the lingering taste.

"Liqourice!" Sarah said smiling wickedly. "Another round?"

Laughing gleefully, she watched as Jareth turned a delightful colour of green, before shaking his head. "_That'll teach you to mess with me_" she muttered ominously.

Purchasing a peach schnapps for his Royal Pain, Sarah made the necessary greeting rounds, complimenting the manager's choice, complaining about odious work tasks and generally pretending to care about the other person's point of view. She was also receiving quite a few probing questions about Jareth, and she flaunted him openly. She had to admit, despite the fact that he was a pompous git who had just drugged her, Jareth did cut, quite a dashing, debonair figure.

His hair was swept to this side, in his mortal cover, cropped short, but still long enough to look slightly edgy. His normally arched eyebrows were lowered, but still contained a slight raise so he looked decidedly _bad_; a caged predator on the loose. The cut of his suit emphasised the lithe body underneath and contrasted with the pale skin, and golden hair. He looked, Sarah thought delightedly, like a wanton Greek god. All animalistic moves and Adonis-like looks.

For some reason or the other, it was the accent that had Sarah's work-mates swooning. "Where did you pick him up?" said Clara longingly, staring open-mouthed at Jareth's enticing form. "Oh I've known him since I was a kid" Sarah said off-handishly, gloating inwardly at her success.

Jareth was strutting for all it was worth, occassionly wrapping an arm around Sarah, or offering a witty anecdote or two. For the most part he pouted, preening under the various compliments that came his way. He had to admit, he rather liked being Sarah's arm-candy. Even if she was the most devious, irritating mortal he ever had the misfortune to come across. The sambuca, along with the odd peach schnapps and martini's, had caused Jareth to become quite relaxed – mellow even. He felt like dancing, felt like singing and was just about to when a rather sharp elbow to his ribcage, stopped him. "Spoilsport" he muttered.

Having finished the required duty-rounds, Sarah was making her way to the bar when she spotted Chad. _Finally_, she thought, fluffing her hair for volume. Quickly whisking Jareth away from a group of girls, she placed herself at the bar casually, directly in his eyeline. Smirking slightly as he made his way over, Sarah immersed herself in deep conversation with Jareth, feigning utter surprise when Chad said hello.

"Oh!" she said surprised, "How are you?!"

Mindfully introducing Jareth, Sarah took a moment to surreptiously glance at his date. _Tart_, Sarah thought, looking in distaste at the teased blonde hair and the tight lycra mini-dress. Dismissing her as worthless, Sarah turned her attention back to Chad, smiling coyly through her lashes. Jareth was playing wingman to perfection, she noted happily, carefully diverting the blondes attention. _Which_, Sarah thought cattily, _probably wouldn't take much effort_.

"May I say, you look particularly stunning tonight," Chad said cheekily.

"And you!" Sarah replied jokingly back.

"Did I mention your hair looks especially silky?"

"And, your head," Sarah replied, without missing a beat, "Looks even shiner tonight, did you wax it?!"

"With the No.1 bowling ball waxer in the world," Chad replied, grinning widely.

This is what she loved, Sarah thought, the constant verbal sparring, he was able to give as good as she got and she relished the challenge.

"Can I get you a drink?" Chad asked, noticing her half empty glass, "Sure," Sarah replied.

"What do you want??"

"Why don't you surprise me?" she replied coyly,

"Is that even possible?" Chad asked, his voice dropping seductively,

"I guess we'll find out."

Asking Jareth and the blonde for their preferences, Chad hailed the next barman and after a few minutes, handed Sarah a small shot glass filled with a clear liquid. "_Tequila_!" Sarah laughed excitedly. Jareth looked curiously at the drink in Sarah's hands.

"What's that?" he asked intrigued, watching as Sarah licked salt of her hands, drank the liquid in one and the bit into a lemon. "I want one" he declared regally, feeling slightly adventurous, and, due to the copious amounts of alcohol already consumed, slightly off-balance.

Buying a round for the four of them, Chad lined the shots out on the counter. "Ready?" he drawled, "1,2,3…"

About half an hour, and several tequilas later, Sarah was feeling more than pleasantly drrunkkk, or was it srunkk, she giggled.

"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR!", she sang happily, half leaning on Chad for support.

Jareth was also giggling happily to himself. "I wanth you to knows", he said, turning to the barman behind the counter. "You are my besht friend. You are. You don't know how baaad my life is. I live with goblinsh. Real honest-to-God goblins," he sniggered, gesturing with his hands, and teetering slightly. "They're this big, and stupid. And this one!" he said pointing at Sarah, "She doesn't like peaches, no she doesn't like peaches!" he said shaking his head from side to side.

"You know what I did earlier?" When the barman shrugged, Jareth continued, "I gave her... peach jam!. _Ha ha ha Peach jam_," he laughed, thumping the counter hysterically.

"More tequila?" he said hopefully, when the barman shook his head.

* * *

In a small room across town, dark shadows held their breath expectantly. It was nearly time. Rushing across the room at exactly 23:59, the shadows reached the bed in no time. Pulsing gleefully at the lack of obstacles, they swarmed up the sides, twisting around the bedposts, inching up the covers before pouncing with _deadly _intent.

Tonight they had _succeeded_! If shadows could have looked smug, these ones would have.

There was a slightly pregnant pause in which the shadows shuffled the sheets, looking for…well anything other than sheets.

A sense of acute embarrassment permeated the room as the shuffling produced nothing. A series of discreet, cough-like noises were heard, before the shadows slinked back to the corners, thoroughly dejected.

* * *

_**A/N:** Quote 1, is a direct line from Jane Austens' Pride and Predijuce, most obviously I dont own it!!_

_Review, review review! Let me know if you like it, hate it or couldnt care less about it! Alice's success in the labyrinth depends upon it!!_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: I is v. sorry for delay - exam stress and madness has been ensuing. IT SUCKS! Consequently this chapter isn't as long -and most probably makes no sense- but lets think of it as an interlude - or a stress reliever if you will!. Truly am sorry if it sucks!!_

* * *

**Chapter 4: Of Bedlam and Headaches.**

The sun rose in a blaze of orange and gold, rising from the east and chasing away the remnants of the night like a delivering Messiah. The glow swept across the labyrinth, covering the land in a gentle caress, reaching into even the darkest recesses with tender yellow fingers and carefully waking the sleeping creatures within. The entire land rejoiced in the dawning of the new day. The sun, exhilarated after a night of rest, swooped higher and higher, dancing merrily across tree-tops and skimming over lakes in glittering, twinkling waves, before approaching the castle in the centre of the goblin city.

Emboldened, the light intensified, enveloping the stone edifice in a golden embrace, tinting the granite with glints of red and gold and blazing through the myriads of windows to highlight the opulent chambers within. Presently, the glow reached the tinted windows of the topmost tower in the west wing. Heavy velvet curtains obscured the room's interior from the light, but it was not to be deterred. Sneaking in through a partial gap in the thick curtains, the glow tentatively swept across the stone floor, bathing the gloom in a cheerful, sunny wash. Meeting no resistance, it surged, gleefully venturing further and further into the murky darkness, before…..

"I CAN'T SLEEP IN THIS LIGHT," a voice roared suddenly.

Before the sunlight could react, a crystal ball had been flung, almost violently _(and most definitely, shakily_), at the window.

Abruptly the light recoiled, swooping back faster than it could say, "huh…?"

An invisible force, it seemed, was pushing it back towards the east, almost as if it was on fast rewind.

_Within chambers opulent the highlight to windows of…...Gold and orange of blaze a in rose sun the…._

The entire labyrinth was bathed in pre-dawn darkness within minutes, reversing a task which had taken the sun roughly an hour and a half to accomplish. Thoroughly disgruntled, the sun sank back into its resting place, swearing revenge as soon as it could figure out how and wondering if it should have joined a workers trade-union.

* * *

The sudden absence of "morning" in the labyrinth, was to have numerous, directly applicable, consequences. Riots broke out in various goblins streets, tires were set ablaze and shop windows were broken into. Goblins of all shapes and sizes ran panicked: screaming in terror and wailing about prophetic symbologies. A state of natural emergency was declared by the towns mayor as he was tied to a flagpole and hoisted up, his breeches fluttering merrily in the breeze.

And deep in the labyrinth an ominous, _squelch, squelch, squelch_, was heard. An indistinct shape emerged from the blackness, bringing with it a deadly, poisonous odour. The being trudged forward menacingly, breathing in and out with a great rickety breath, mumbling two words over and over:

"_G.L.P. Forever…"_

* * *

There was a head.

In the head there was an ache.

A big ache.

A numbing ache.

An ache that surpassed- all- other- aches- that- had- ever- ached- a head before.

The ache throbbed – and the mindless lumps of flesh - attached to the head with the ache – flinched, involuntarily.

_NNNGHHhhhh_, said a muffled voice, from somewhere within the head.

_Throb, _went the ache. _Ache,_ went the head.

The cycle continued for quite some time, until the mindless lumps of flesh –_ attached to head, that had the ache that throbbed, that_ – flinched more aggressively than before, and a hand emerged, shooting upwards, before flapping down jerkily, like an oxygen deprived fish. The hand landed on something warm, soft – slightly tubula--

"ACK" said a voice, presently followed by a pair of horrified green eyes. Slowly the eyes travelled to where the hand was lying, before travelling upwards, then flicking back towards the hand. Then up, then down, up, down, up down, up-

"_You know_" a little voice - inside the head that ached- said matter-of-factly, "_If you just moved the hand, rather than flicking the eyes up and down, it might be more productive_."

"_Nnnghghh_" the green-eyed face said.

"_Why, one would almost think you like it there…"_

"_ACK_" said the voice, jerking the hand back violently before rolling of the bed in a ferocious (and rather thoughtless) bid to escape.

_Throb, _went the ache. _Ache,_ went the head.

* * *

Jareth woke groggily, and groaned.

It was the only thing he felt capable doing in his present condition. For the first time in his life he felt every day of the two thousand and X amount of years he had lived. And dear God, it felt bad. Rising gracelessly from his bed, Jareth flicked a hand at the heavy velvet drapes lining his large bay windows. Placing a hand over his sleep-encrusted eyes, Jareth braced himself for a blast of golden light.

None came.

Slightly confused – _his head hurt too much to do too much thinking_- he peeked carefully out through a gap in his hands. There was no sun. "What in the..?"

Walking slowly – teetering, ever so slightly- the goblin king stumbled over to the window that looked out over the goblin city, and swore.

Darkness bathed the labyrinth in an ominous violet-blue hue in the natural tints of deepest, darkest night. But the city – the entire city was ablaze. Fires streaked across the rooftops, dancing merrily as orange tendrils stalked and devoured everything in their path. Anarchy reigned.

It was like a Fiery Christmas party gone wrong.

It was complete and utter _pandemonium_.

And high above the city ,a lone goblin fluttered merrilly in the smoggy breeze.

Whirling around swiftly (_regretting it almost instantaneously_) Jareth half ran – half swooped- out of his chambers, before tripping over a prostrate form in his path and bouncing, ever so majestically, across the floor. Trying to summon a measure of calm that he was _not-so-famously_ known for, Jareth turned to see Sarah lying sprawled on his bedroom floor.

Of course, he thought, last night: drinking, Sarah, tequila, bedlam.

OF BLOODY COURSE.

The little trip across his floor however, served to remind him, that perhaps, just perhaps, he had something to do with the current state of darkness, and with an elegant swoop (_as can be managed, when lying crumpled on the floor_), the Goblin King, bid the sun anew and declared it day, in his own, rather uniquely _glitter-ati_ way.

Casually rising from the floor, Jareth strolled, devil-may-care, into the stone corridor leading to the kitchens. Hoping, ever so valiantly feigning, normalcy in his actions. With every step (_that didn't make him want to hurl_) Jareth strode powerfully forwards. _Hangovers be damned_, he thought gloriously - didn't affect him, he was far too formidable for something as petty to affect him!

_Tra la la la,_ his inner voice sang smugly – _strut-strut_, went his walk.

Striding towards the kitchen door, Jareth pushed it open authoritatively and -

Found himself, rather off-balance, in the Escher room.

_Tra-la… Crap_, went his inner voice.

* * *

**A few hours later….**

Sarah woke to find herself on something very cold, and very hard. Light was shining brazenly through open curtains and her head throbbed violently. Clutching the nearby desk for support, she rose tentively, shooting curses to all alcohol, anywhere, everywhere.

_Never more_, she swore, _she was officially a tee-totaler_ –

her inner voice sniggered –

Well for today anyway.

It was a few minutes before she realised the room she was standing in, wasn't her own. She was in the labyrinth.

"_Aw smuck_" she said.

She couldn't remember anything from last night. _Anything_. She hoped, really, really, really, hoped, Jareth hadn't poofed her to the underground in front of Chad. That would make for some serious explaining on Monday morning. Wondering where Jareth was, and why on earth (_or underground_) he hadn't placed her in her own labyrinth-ian chambers, Sarah made her way groggily to her washroom. A steamy shower, several cups of coffee, and one panadol later, Sarah felt marginally better. She still hadn't seen Jareth though, apparently no one had seen him all morning.

Munching the last of her toast, Sarah made her way out to the courtyard, in search of Jareth. An acrid smell of burning hung in the morning air, and trying not to gag, Sarah wandered the paved yard. But it was to no avail. The goblin-king was nowhere to be found - But -

The history of the world describes scores of great discoveries that were made truly by accident. Serendipitous events that changed the course of life instantly: Newton with his apple, the cure for smallpox and (_strangely enough_) the invention of popsicles. Great things were awarded to those that seek and today was no exception. For Sarah _was_ seeking, and _there_, in a corner, bathed in swirling shadows, Sarah found something.

Something tall and imposing.

Something that made her lips twitch, and her eyes narrow in mirth.

A teeny, tiny little plan was formed – and the Goblin King was nowhere to be found.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Of Bunnies and shades of Magenta:**

Things had started to go missing in the labyrinth.

A fairy had been kidnapped in the midst of her daily flight from the city, to the outer walls. The emperors' new clothes had been stolen and a young goblin-child found itself short: one pair of roller skates – and bizarrely enough – a jelly bean. No one investigating, linked the seemingly, mutually-exclusive events, together.

But this is the labyrinth; where sometimes the way forward is the way back, where large beasts make the tamest of pets.

And nothing is as it seems.

* * *

Tweak the goblin, walked slowly into the throne room.

Well- hobbled really.

It had taken him _days_ to extract himself from the prickle-thorn bushes he had (_ever so dramatically_) rolled into. Shrugging off a slight blush of embarrassment, Tweak walked towards his majesty, ready to grovel – or roll again, if occasion required it. The Goblin King was standing imposingly in front of his throne. Legs parted, hands on hips and head thrown back in an arrogant sneer – if it was even _remotely_ possible, Tweak would have sworn that his majesty looked slightly…surprised…... And there was also the little matter of the Goblin King standing in _front_ of the throne, instead of lounging insolently on it, as was usual.

But Tweak, back after a speedy roll, thought it best not to mention anything, given the rather _mortifying_ circumstances.

"Yer majesty!" Tweak cried, prostrating himself at the king's feet.

The king, neither looking or moving, replied haughtily;

"Tweak" he boomed loudly, "How are you today?"

"Err?" replied Tweak. "How am I? I – uh….?"

"I mean" the king boomed again, "How _dare you disgust me_ with your presence today?"

"Ohhh, yer majesty!" Tweak cried, throwing his hands in the air with relief, and wailing.

He had to admit, the first question had slightly thrown him, but he was back on common ground now, and knew just the wails to accompany the moment. Within minutes, the goblin known as Tweak was rolling on the ground in grief, and weeping, while the Goblin King looked on.

"Tweak" he said finally, "That is enough. Now, I want you to do something for me."

"Anyfink yer majesty" Tweak declared, wiping his snivelly nose with his hands.

"I want you Tweak," the king boomed, "To commission an entirely new wardrobe for me. Take the clothes I have at present and store them away. I want new clothes within the hour."

"Yessir – yer majesty," Tweak replied.

"And they must be pink." The king added, as an after-thought. "Or varying shades of magenta. I want no dark colours at all. Are we clear?"

"Yes, yer majesty" Tweak declared, bowing deeply and high-tailing it out of the throne room.

Leaving the goblin king standing imposingly in front of his throne.

* * *

Jareth was in hell.

He had been sure _these_ stairs would bring him to the exit, and he had been wrong _again._ His head-ache had worsened, by-passing hangover status and heading straight for a neurological - aneurism. It was really, _quite_ distressing. He was trying to remember why he had built the Escher room in the first place – and failing miserably. He supposed it had been a way to stop runners from winning – it had never been intended for drunken kings after a night on the tiles.

Valiantly Jareth tried again, running up a flight of stairs and swivelling downwards so he was walking on the underside. Or was the stairs the right way and he upside down? Nothing was making sense anymore. Frustrated, Jareth made a drastic choice. Yes, it would take him ages to rebuild again, but it would be worth it if he could just _get out_. Bracing himself, Jareth took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and took a running leap off the edge of the staircase –

-and then he was floating, twirling, soaring in the air, before –

_Smack_, he hit the stairs directly underneath with a resounding thump. Winded Jareth opened his eyes in disbelief. The Escher room was exactly as it was two minutes before.

"SON OF A –"

* * *

Tweak, and his merry band of goblins, were placing the finishing touches to the Emperors new wardrobe, when a voice boomed behind him.

"What progress Tweak?" the goblin king demanded, legs parted, hands on hips and head thrown back in an arrogant sneer – if it was even _remotely_ possible, Tweak would have sworn that his majesty looked slightly…surprised…...

"Errr…" Tweak said, mildly flustered, which, for a goblin, is quite a feat.

"Just finished now yer majesty."

"Good." The king replied. "Everything is pink? Or a varying shade there-of?"

"Yes yer majesty."

"And the old clothes?"

"Stored in the dungeons yer majesty."

"Excellent" the king boomed, happily – or at least, sounded happily, as he moved forward to inspect the changes.

There was something creepy about the king, Tweak noted, he wasn't quite sure what… he as just _odder_ than usual. And was it just him…or were the goblin kings' feet not _touching_ the ground when he walked?...

"Now Tweak" the king continued, "I demand you re-decorate the throne room. I want new wall-hangings and some rugs, yes some nice fluffy rugs. And pictures of bunnies – and fruits made to look human. Also within the hour. Is that understood?"

Tweak stood uncertainly, flicking glances from the corner of his eye to see if anyone else found the command, slightly….wierd.

"Well?" the king demanded, "Move."

And the goblins dis-banded.

* * *

Bruised.

That's what he was – bruised. And very annoyed. Groaning Jareth stumbled to his feet and winced, gingerly touching his chest. It _hurrrtt_…. This was not the way he had envisaged spending his day, he was a KING, _gosh-darn it_, he was _not _supposed to be _lost_ in his own damned castle.

Suddenly something clicked – jostled into position by the rather (_humiliating_) hurtful fall.

Why in the underground didn't he just transport himself out?... There was a few moments of shocked silence as the goblin-king digested the information and then, in a whirl of a cloak, and an explosion of glitter, Jareth, the goblin-king, transported himself to his chambers.

Burying the embarrassment under a sneer, Jareth showered and made his way to his wardrobe, a large towel wrapped around his waist.

_"?"_ said Jareth.

There was something very, very wrong here. Everything was pink. _PINK_? The fall had done more damage than he'd thought… he had gone colour-blind or worse – he had gone _pink-blind_, OH of all the things that could happen – he was _maimed_. Squealing in horror Jareth shoved his head in his hands and wailed. He was ruined. _Ruined_. The underground wouldn't want a king who saw in pink, they --

Why wasn't anything else pink?

Snarling Jareth strode out of his room, stopping in mid-transport to the throne room, when he realised he was clad in nothing but a towel. As the full reality of the options left, descended on the goblin king, he snarled further – wider – louder – until it was nothing short of obscene.

Then, in a temper un-paralleled by any, Jareth poofed to the throne room in whirl of dark, angry, _black_ glitter – clad in pink tights with a matching magenta cape.

"Does anyone want to tell me," he said, silkily, "why my –"

It was then, that the goblin king noticed the furry pink rug in the middle of the throne room, the pink silken wall coverings, and pictures of a grotesque furry rodents on the wall. And there, at the base of his throne, with legs parted, hands on hips and head thrown back in an arrogant sneer –

Was his statue, on roller-blades??

"?"... said Jareth.

* * *

_A/N: Tee hee exam madness reigns!! again another short chapter!_

_A thank you, to you, if you reviewed! I would love to give replies to you all, but time is awfully short..even as i speak (type?) the dreaded accountancy books are piled on my bed..._

_You likey? reviewy! :)_


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